THE ORDEALS OF WIDOWS IN NIGERIA AND THE WAY FORWARD

Introduction

There is no group more affected by the offence of oversight than widows. They are glaringly missing from the data of many developing countries, and they are rarely mentioned in the huge number of reports on women`s poverty, development, health or human rights available in the last twenty-five years. Growing evidence of their vulnerability, both socio-economic and psychological, now challenges many conventional views and assumptions about this unseen group of women.

A widow is one who finds herself in the middle of the ocean of life, struggling to survive technically, a widow is one who survives her husband and has not re-married. Widowhood is defined as the state of mourning the loss of one`s  husband or wife through death. The pressure associated with this phenomenon is as real as those loneliness and divorce. Widowhood is an event in life with wide range of long –term consequences. Widowhood is equally linked with strong grief and anger expressed, particularly among  more widows than the divorced. This is perhaps because of deprivation following loss of spousal intimacy through death. It can therefore be concluded that widowhood by suggestion is a stressful life occurrence demanding  practicable support systems.

Travails of widows in Nigeria

We will now considers some examples of travails the widows are subjected to in selected areas of Nigeria. In different parts of Nigeria, widows are treated differently according to their cultures and traditions.

In Abia State, a widow is not allowed to come outside during the burial of her husband and not allowed to see the body of her husband when the casket is opened for the relative to see. Sometimes widows are sexually abused and not allowed to re-marry, a practice which was supported by religious sanctions and customs.

In Anambra State, terrible treatments are meted out to widows on the death of their husbands in the name of traditional funeral rites. The woman`s hair is usually shaved and she is expected to do the early morning cry. The widow comes out very early in the morning to howl or every evening  through a gap in the wall of her imprisonment, whether she feels like crying or not , she must render sharp, loud and long cries as a mark of respect for the dead man. The heinous rituals she goes through as soon as the man of the house passes on are innumerable. In Ogidi for instance, the time of mourning is one year during which the widow is restricted to the house where she sits on the bare floor for four weeks and her hair is shaved. She is not allowed to talk, laugh, shake hands or greet people, bake and cook food. The widow will be put on mud cloth for seven weeks; she removes the mud cloth and wears the pitch black mourning dress for the rest of the year. The widow must shout the mandatory praise-name for the departed husbands three times daily. In Nanka, a widow is forbidding to see the corpse of her  husband and if she contravenes this custom she will neither buy from or sell to any member of the community. Member of the community tend to run away from her. She Is avoided like death. In other words, the `erring widow` is ostracized. In Ogbunka town 

a widow is put behind the house in seclusion immediately her husband dies. The Umuada [Association of daughters of the family] compels her to observe the customary crying from morning till night for many days. The widow is in turn expected to supply yam meal with a chicken, for the Umuada every day whether the widow in question has the capacity to do so or not. The Nawfija and its environs, the widow is confided in a cage; she is permitted to sit on a mat or mattress inside her cage though she does not sleep in the cage. The widow is, most vulnerable to physical pains inflicted on her by vicious mourners, who are in the habit of throwing their whole weight on the victim, in the disguise of sympathy. The widow wears either black or white for seven months at the end of which, she wears another dress for the remaining five months that is neither black nor white.

In idea to area of Imo state, as soon as a man dies, his widow has to sit on the ground and can only be allowed to call anybody by the use of a gong. This dumbness imposed on the widow by culture has a lot of interpretations with attendant psychological trauma.

In Ondo state, when a husband dies the widow goes into incarceration for seven days. During this period she is not allowed to go out, even to the toilet or, take her bath. On the seventh day, her head is shaved to severe the tie between her and the dead husband. She keeps a vigil and appears very mournful by weeping and howling profusely, if she fails to mourn, it is believed that she may become mentally unbalanced, or surrender the right to any inheritance. She is expected to go into mourning for a period of three months. The widow is expected to put up an impeccable behavior in order to avoid her late husband’s spirit from gaining quick access to the community of his ancestral spirits. The widow is not expected to court, leave the family, go away with the children, or gaze into the mirror for fear of seeing the dead. Until lately, she is not allowed to be seated on the bed. This period is also used to determine whether the widow is pregnant or not. At the end of three months, she performs the outing ceremony. She is then free to re-marry into the family. A widow may however, refuse to be inherited even if her late husband’s family wants it so. A man may equally refuse to inherit his late brother’s wife.

There is a tribe in the old Mid-West [Edo and Delta states] where a widow is given a ritual pot to carry on her head. While carrying this pot, she is asked to confess her sins against the man. She will be left on the ritual site and asked to walk alone from the fetish spot in the night. Another example from the same region is that before the man is buried the widow is stripped naked and made to have sexual intercourse with the man by lying in the room all night with the corpse in a room all night. In Bini land, widowhood rights are in two stages. The widow is restricted to a room remote from the family house for seven days immediately after the interment  of the late husband. She is dress in black with her hair left untidy and, she is not permitted to take her bath. She must look mournful and abstemious and must cry, morning and evening. On the seventh day, a wake-keep is held and the widow is prohibited as a result of custom to sleep because, the spirit of the dead man will come around and kill her if she is found sleeping! On the same day, she perform the semi-purification rites by taking her bath very early in the morning before dawn at a road junction all by herself. If she returns safely, it means she has proved her innocence. The second stage of mourning begins at the end of the seventh day. The widow will be required to smear herself and her clothing with charcoal and remain in that state for a period of three months. At the end of the third month, the final cleansing, which admits her back into the society, is performed. On inheritance, both the widow and property are inheritable objects.

Among the Esan also in Edo State, the practice is almost the same but for some little differences. During the seven days of mourning, the widow carries an ikhmin, which is a many sided plant used to ward off evil spirit. She is also forbidden to sleep on the night preceding the seventh day because, it is believed that ,the husband will visit and carry her away if she sleeps, A widow in Esan, however, takes her bath in the night at a burial ground or at some obscure or isolated spot, and she shoots an arrow in to the bush afterwards, to deter the late husband from coming near her again. Through out the three months mourning period, a pot containing some leaves believed toward off evils, is left burning on the stoves. The widow performs the purification rites after three months, which includes her hairs being shaved. On inheritance, a wife cannot inherit. Rather, she is part of the “objects” to be inherited. In Agenebode land [Edo state], there are two different orders for women. A woman is either Amoya, a title that is not highly respected and cherished because in marriage, she is given out totally. The second order is Adegbe, a title that allows the woman to stay in her father’s house even after marriage. Nothing is done in her father’s house without consulting her. As a result of these differences, varying degree of rights and privileges are given to them. When an Amoya is widowed, one of her sisters-in-law who is an Adegbe will assist her to wear a white hand woven pant. This she wears for one whole year without washing or changing. She stays indoors and can’t even go to the market or church. Her hair is scraped and, she is in total seclusion wearing only black. By virtue of her birth, she remains in her husband’s house for life. If she accepts to be inherited, she performs the purification right to legitimize the transfer. If she does not want to be inherited,she performs  another rite to appease the family’s ancestors. Her son inherits the property of the deceased if she happens to have the first son, this does not however transfer ownership of the property to her.

The situation is different, when an Adegbe is widowed. She does not go through all the rites an Amoya goes through .Her  hair and that of her children is scraped on the fifth day after the death. wearing of black is her choice and her movement is not restricted for one day, she goes about her normal business. The issue of inheritance does not arise for her because she goes back to her father’s house as soon as the man dies. Though, she is free to stay if she so desires, without any obligation to the family of the late husband. If she is the mother of the first son, he inherits his entire father’s property.

In Kano State, the widowhood inheritance issue is according to Islamic injunctions. The widow observes the Takaba i.e a four-month, ten-day mourning period in seclusion talking to no one and sitting in a place. It is also believed that widows are barred from the following activities; leaving the room where the corpse was laid; sleeping on a comfortable bed, taking a normal route to the toilet; observing personal hygiene; wearing long hair; moving about; taking normal bath, seeing the inside of the grave; eating pounded yam, chicken and goat meat. Immediately after the mourning, a widow is free to remarry within or outside the family. The Qur’an is very clear on the issue of inheritance and stipulates the way in which the property of the deceased is shared. However, human factors especially the relationship of the widow to her in-laws, educational background of the apportioning parties and cultural leanings have brought about injustice in property sharing.

In Benue State, the man is buried almost immediately when he dies. The widow is constrained to one place; however, if she is still within child-bearing age, she is restricted to one room. She cannot go the toilet unaccompanied; neither can she go to the farm to get food, even for her children. The widow’s life is regimented and policed around until after the morning period is over. The people of Etulo confine a widow for a mourning period of three months during which it will be confirmed if she is pregnant or not. Her only attire is a piece of cloth called bento, which has a ritual item ascribed to it. This cloth is tied round the waist of her deceased husband, and the widow wears it as a sign of her sexual connection with her late husband. It is also believed that, this bento will stop the widow from any acts of waywardness or promiscuity before she is traditionally set free from widowhood. After the three months of mourning, she prepares for the outing ceremony. Her hair is shaved during this period, and she will put on a white dress, which, she also stops wearing after rites. The Etulo people are a matrilineal society. A widow who is barren upon the death of her husband will not be entitled to the husband’s property. Even where the widow has children, the property still goes to the maternal relationships that may out of their own volition give her part of the property. In Idoma land, the widow mourns for at least one year wearing sackcloth. She performs the cleansing and outing ceremonies with the help of her age grade. When the mourning period is over, the widow is free to remarry either within or out side the family. The land belongs to the relationships of the deceased man.

Therefore, the travails of widowhood have lasting adverse effects on the health and economic status of widows because of the long period of incarceration during mourning; an obligatory poor standard of hygiene; deprivation of the husband’s property and maltreatment by his relatives (the widow’s in-laws); the enforcement of persistent wailing; and the practice of demanding that a widow sit in the same room with her husband body until the burial – these are the indicatives of travails widows undergo in various parts of Nigeria.

Widows’ situation in US and UK

Widows in the UK are well taken care of by the state and the issue of widows’ wicked practices, violation of widows rights, ordeals are not obtainable and cannot be conceived.

Social securities, Life Insurance, Pension

Bereavement benefit- if the survivor had a formal marriage with the husband or wife who is now dead, benefits are paid to the widow or widower, as the case may be.

Pension

Personal pensions, the death of the scheme member prior to retirement will mean the widow or widower will receive the pension fund value as a tax free lump sum.

In the United States there are great variations in the lives and identities of widowed women based on the geographical and social characteristics in which they reside, and the social service, emotional and economic support these communities provide. An upper class community provides very different opportunities to its members than a lower class or immigrant community. Ethnic and racial identities contribute to their share of uniqueness to working within these support systems. Small towns offer different restrictions and opportunities than large cities for continuing and changing one’s lifestyle.

Personal resources include the ability to analyze a situation for what is needed or wanted and to reach these resources. Personal resources vary from woman to woman, but generally encompasses economic support, personal ability to function, and approach to life, the status of the woman’s health and existing future, social and emotional support networks.

Many widows have been full-time homemakers or held by only minimum-wage jobs so that their income in widowhood is dependent upon the husband’s Social Security. As widowed mothers or older widows, they have the income of a new husband if they re-marry, and informal exchange of goods and services occasionally offer work for pay. Widows are not as poor as expected. Most of them live in metropolitan areas, while farm women move to small towns and those in retirement communities return to hometowns to be close to their children.

What Rights does a widow have?

Human rights are rights an individual is expected to enjoy merely by being human. It could be defined as God-given right, by the reason of the fact that one is born of a woman. Such rights are not assigned to humans by any man’s or government’s discretion. The same way no man or government should decide to extinguish such rights. A widow is a human being and thus have such rights. The mere fact that being a widow does not mean that those rights would be extinguished.

Right to Life

Right to life is a right given to us by God, and is enshrined in the natural laws. Apart from the natural laws, the International Bill if Rights which includes the Universal Declaration of Human Rights(UDHR), International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), and the International Covenant on Economic and Social Rights (ICESCR) contain provisions on the right t6o life. Coming home to Africa, the African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights provides for the right to life. Furthermore the Optional Protocol on Women’s rights in Africa under Article 23 provides for the protection of the rights of widows, which also includes State Parties taking measures to ensure that widows’ rights are not violated. In all, widows are humans and are protected under these various laws, international and regional instruments. A widow is entitled to live and her right to life must not be violated by any cultural, traditional or religious practice.

Right to dignity of a human person                    

A widow’s right to dignity of human person must not be violated through widowhood practices. There are widowhood practices that destroy the dignity, self-esteem and self worth of a widow. Same as in right to life, this right is protected under national, regional and international human rights instruments and national laws. For instance, among some Igbo communities of Nigeria, a woman passes through some negative practices upon the death of her husband to prove her innocence. A widow was made to drink from the water used in washing up the body of her deceased husband; she was made to eat a lobe of kola nut from the palm of her late husband. All these were degrading and inhuman and this widow‘s dignity was violated. Incidents of this nature happen often, recently, a widow from Anambra state of Nigeria who lost her husband in far away South Africa was held hostage by her late husband’s Uncles in their village home after her husband’s funeral.

Right to property

This right is provided for the national constitutions and under our regional and international instruments. Article 23 of the Protocol To Women’s rights in Africa makes a provision to guarantee that the right of a widow is protected under the law. A widow has the right to live in and retain the property she acquired with her husband and even the ones she acquired by herself. There are many incidences of disinheritance of widows upon the death of their husbands. This act is carried out by the relatives of the dead man, without even considering the economic implications s on the life of the family of the deceased.

Coping Strategies for widows

Developing Confidence in God

Many think that we could handle life’s challenges better if we only had self-confidence. While self-confidence helps, it is limited to only what we can do by ourselves. God-inspired confidence is much more powerful. When faced with a major challenge, self-confidence just isn’t enough. You end up comparing how big the challenge is and how meager your skills are to deal with it. Your faith starts to fade. But when compared to the greatness of the all-knowing, all-preset, all-powerful God, then it shrinks in size. Everything you need to handle the challenge is in Him. Your faith and confidence then grows. If you feel discouraged in your life’s situation, ask yourself: “am I comparing these challenges with my own abilities? Why not try a different way?”

Numbers 23:19-“God is not a man, that He should lie; neither the son of man, that He should repent: Hath He said, and shall not do it? Or hath He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Joshua 1:19– “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage: do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Jeremiah 32:27– “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”

Isaiah 41:10-“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous hand.”

Philippians 4:13-“ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

You must constantly renew your mind with these encouraging scriptures

Raising Godly children

Our purpose is to learn how parents can raise children successfully despite the problems we face.

The foundation belief in these studies is that God’s word provides the best way to raise children. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”. By following Gods word, we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully. Bible principles of child raising are so critical that we will refer to them as the “keys” that open the door to success.

God’s word and specific teachings

When God state a principle regarding raising children, we must all act within the teachings of that principle. Yet one family may apply that principle somewhat differently from another family, even though both may be following God’s word.

Advice that harmonizes with Bible principles

Whatever we do must fit within what God’s rules say. If what we say or do disagrees with God’s rules, then we are disagreeing, not with people, but with God.

The Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children

1: Purpose  2: Planning  3: Love  4: Instruction  5:Authority  6:Motivation  7:Consistency

What do widows do in situations where there is no social security and no pensions, and where the traditional family networks have been broken down?

1. If they do not surrender to the demands of the male relatives (e.g., “levirate”, widow inheritance, remarriage, household slavery, and often degrading and harmful traditional burial rites) and they are illiterate and untrained and without land, their options are few.
2. Often there is no alternative to begging except entering the most exploitative and unregulated areas of informal sector labor, such as domestic services and sex work.
3. Withdrawing children from school, sending them to work as domestic servants or sacrificing them to other areas of exploitative child labor.
4. Selling female children to early marriages or abandoning them to the streets are common survival strategies and will continue to be used until widows can access education and income-generating training for themselves and their dependants.

Adjustment Strategies for widows

1. Adjustment strategies mean the ability to handle or control the effects of anticipated or experienced stressful situations
2. Identification with others is another adjustment strategy often used by widows
3. Reliance on children is another adjustment strategy
4. Bereavement Support Groups(BSGs)

Recommendations/ Way forward for widows in Nigeria

1. Based on the realization that widowhood is generally stressful for widows, I recommend that massive and intensive campaign should be mounted to sensitize people on the need to stop all forms of abuse associated with widowhood.
2. State and National Assembly members should legislate against all oppressive, barbaric or dehumanizing mourning rites and widowhood customs that tend to heighten widowhood stress and hamper adjustment.
3. Rehabilitation counseling should be provided and emphasize cognitive restructuring for widows to enable them accept their plight in good faith. Similarly, they should be oriented to appreciate the inevitability of the phenomenon (in most cases for women) and the need to acquire requisite skills for survival after spousal bereavement. In order to actualize this goal, widows in Nigeria need to be provided with functional education capable of emancipating them from their stress and tension of widowhood.
4. Girl-Child Education is panacea for future hardship for widows. Education empowers the girl-child and prepares her to tackle future challenges
5. Trainee-counselors should be fortified with capacity in bereavement and widowhood counseling. This is necessary in order to equip the counselors adequately to meet the challenges of providing rehabilitative counseling. Essentially, counselors to provide rehabilitative counseling ought to possess a thorough grasp of widowhood as a concept, stress level and sources as well as the adjustment strategy options to be adopted.
6. Rehabilitation counseling provided should emphasize the affiliation of widows to credible support groups like multipurpose co-operative societies, religious organizations, widow’s organizations like Odekhoa Akhume Okaisabor Memorial Foundation where they could interact meaningfully for optimal integration and economic empowerment.
7. Rehabilitation counseling should emphasize the need for widows to acquire skills needed for securing gainful employment either in public/ private or personal enterprise. For instance, they should be oriented to appreciate the usefulness of possessing impressive academic qualifications, basic know-how of transacting businesses, saving for old age and future investment. Training and skills acquisition in relevant profession, income generating activities (IGAs) among others. A good example is what Odekhoa Akhume Okaisabor Memorial Foundation is doing by providing skills acquisition to widows through SMEDAN and providing start-up grants on completion of the training so as to enable widows gain financial autonomy and get rid of mendicancy.
8. Rehabilitation counseling to be provided should appropriately orientate young widows towards the imperativeness of re-marriage especially for those widowed before the age of thirty five[35years].this is crucial, if their physiological and psychological needs like sexual gratification, provision of emotional support and social support are to be legitimately satisfied.
9. Custodians of culture in communities should abrogate all the harmful cultural practices that encourage the violations of the rights of women, especially widows. This would be facilitated by the traditional rulers who are the custodians of the people’s culture and tradition.
10. There should be increased awareness and sensitization at the grassroots levels to ensure that the existence of the law is well publicized and the widows must be made to know that they have rights.
11. Families should empower their female children so that they could be financially independent, so that when death strikes, they are capable of holding forth and taking care of their children.
12. Stigma and discrimination reduction- the discrimination of women by women needs to be stopped, as it is often the wives within the extended family who carry out the harmful practices
13. Widows should seek protection from existing laws that relate to the brutal acts practiced upon them
14. Men should be given moral education and capacity building in widowhood related issues as ways of putting a stop to the travails of widowhood in Nigeria.
15. Advocacy and sensitization to relevant stakeholders, gate-keepers, community leader’s traditional leaders, opinion leaders, women groups, age grade societies should be carried out.

CONCLUSION

The rights of widows are constantly violated in Nigeria, widows need to be protected as they are not just widows but women and thus they are entitled to the basic human rights. The loathe-some cultural practices in the society have contributed in the violations of the rights of widows, thought recently there are activities aimed at curbing these practices, sadly the success expected is yet to be achieved. When widow’s rights are violated and they are denied their right to life and property, these denials affect the widows’ children negatively and in the long run negatively affect the society. Every person must be involved in ensuring that these widows do not suffer double tragedy upon the loss of their husbands.

Last words: WHAT IS IN YOUR HANDS? God will bless the labour of your hands>psalm1:1-3; Joshua 1:8; kings4:2

Thank you!

• The Revd Nwashili is of Crowther graduate theological seminary, church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion), Abeokuta, Nigeria. He presented this paper at the 2^nd memorial lecture of ODEKHOA AKHUME OKAISBOR MEMORIAL FOUNDATION, on October 22,2010 at the new Chelsea Hotel, central area, Abuja]